Feeling Sad At Christmas: A Guide for Post Abortive Women

Feeling Sad At Christmas: A Guide for Post Abortive Women

Many people don’t feel happy during the holidays. For some, lack of Christmas spirit goes deeper than just being a scrooge. There are all kinds of reasons for the holiday blues: money problems, sickness, the loss of a loved one, loneliness, and one that is often under reported and suffered in silence -abortion.

Women who’ve had abortions in their past can find it difficult to get through Christmas without thinking about their loss.

Amanda had an abortion in July; by September she was already dreading Christmas.When she came to Options for after abortion care, she shared that the thought of Christmas was “unbearable” for her. She felt terrible about seeing her relatives who had babies and young children. They reminded her of the baby she chose not to have.

Her future sister-in-law was pregnant and was due in January. Amanda wondered how different Christmas would be if she were still pregnant and looking forward to the birth of her own baby. Guilt, mingled with sadness because of her secret, made her want to hide from everyone she loved, especially during the holidays.

No one knew Amanda had an abortion except her boyfriend and he seemed fine with it. His ability to brush it off and move on made her feel all the more lonely and profoundly depressed at Christmastime, and even a little angry.

Amanda didn’t feel she could tell anyone in her family about the abortion nor did she feel she could confide in any of her friends. She thought they would judge her and think she was a horrible person. She just wanted someone to understand what she was going through but at the same time she felt burdened by a secret that was for her, too terrible to share.

As for Christmas, she wanted to skip the whole thing.

Amanda’s experience isn’t unique. Many women who have had abortions feel their loss more keenly at Christmas and during the holidays. Christmas is all about children, starting with the baby in the manger scene and continuing with Santa Claus and the mandate to surprise children with toys under the tree on Christmas morning. For women like Amanda who have abortion in their past, this child centered holiday can feel like a knife in the heart.

If you are someone who has had an abortion and are finding it hard to get through the holidays without a lump in your throught or tears welling up behind your eyes, you are not alone. There are people who understand and who want to help, especially at Christmas.

Here are some tips for finding post abortion help:

  • Confide in a friend or family member whom you trust.
  • Contact your faith community. Most religious communities have some kind of pastoral care. If they can’t help, they will point you to someone who can.
  • Seek professional counseling if you are feeling depressed.
  • Talk to your doctor or health care provider.
  • Search the web for post abortion forums. Here are a few good places to start:
  • Keep a journal to record your feelings. Journaling is a good way to unload what you are carrying around on the inside.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. National post abortion help-line: 888-456-HOPE (4673)

It’s important to remember that every women who experiences abortion is different. Some women report having no feelings of remorse or sadness connected with their abortion. Chances are, if you are reading this, you are not one of them.

If you are local, you can call Options or visit our center where you will find compassion and acceptance, and a safe place to be heard. We will deeply listen to you with the purpose of helping you empty your heart so you can be free to enjoy life once again. Finding the right person to talk to after your abortion to express your grief is the first step. It’s up to you to take it.

Pregnant? Now What?

Pregnant? Now What?

So you have a positive test.

Don’t know what to do next?

To laugh or to cry?

To verify or deny?

Options can help.

We offer free medical services, including an early ultrasound to verify the stage of your pregnancy, plus options counseling to help you figure things out.

For that first important step, and throughout your pregnancy, Options is here for you.

You are not alone.

Call now to speak to your own, personal pregnancy navigator.



Thank You For Not Judging

Thank You For Not Judging

“Thank you for not judging me.”

We can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard these words spoken by women (and men) who visit Options.

It seems like it shouldn’t be a big deal – to go somewhere for help and not feel judged. But to the thousands of women (and men) who have visited Options throughout the years, it is the one consistent comment they come back to share with us, over and over again.

Maybe you are reading this and you are thinking about having an abortion but you’re not exactly sure. You’ve got a lot on your mind weighing you down. So you head to a clinic and tell them you are pregnant. You know abortion is available but not much more. You would like to talk it over with someone who will listen. You are afraid they will think you are a terrible person. For some reason, talking about having an abortion makes you feel more vulnerable than having one right now.

If you don’t know what you want, the clinic sends you home and tells you to come back when you are ready. There’s no shortage of women with unplanned pregnancies. At the clinic, you are just one more. The waiting room is filled with impatient patients. There’s no time for doubting, for figuring things out. Just sign on the dotted line, and wait over there. Time is money. Next.

Everyone seems so sure.

But ….

You’re not – so sure.
You have questions that are not easy to ask.
You need to vent.
You need to have a real talk about abortion without feeling shame.

And you’ve had it with people rolling their eyes and raising their eyebrows as if you are taking up their valuable time.

It would be great to take a break from worrying and find a neutral place where you can talk about everything that is bothering you.

Get it all out.
Put everything on the table,
what you want,
what he wants,
what is possible or impossible for you,
real pregnancy options in real time.

Where is this place, you wonder.

It’s here -at Options.

There are no requirements from us:

No money.
Our services are free.There’s no expensive procedure at the end of your visit.
We’re here to freely listen and to help, if you want it.

No shame.
We’ll listen to whatever you have to say.
Who are we to judge your feelings?
Our nursing staff offers early pregnancy care and accurate medical guidance so that your decision will be an informed one, no matter what the outcome. Our support team knows how to deeply listen and will hold a space for your feelings and your beliefs with respect for your needs, and an eye towards resources that may help.

No rush.
We space our appointments so you never have to feel like you’re unimportant.
Because you are important.
There’s no one like you,
and you, are who we are here for.

If reading this post challenges your beliefs about Options, we welcome you to schedule an appointment, and for the record, we thank you for not judging us!

We’re On Your Side

We’re On Your Side

Right now you may be staring at your phone not sure if you should call or text Options.

What would you say?

How would you find the right words to ask for help?

* Ruby felt all choked up inside when she called to make an appointment. Like you, she didn’t know where to start. But she didn’t feel that way for long.

Here’s what Ruby had to say after she came to Options:

Options was a safe place for me to be able to talk about anything I wanted to. Options was there for me when I had no one on my side. Thanks for the support, love, and listening ear you provided for me. It’s like God sent me a group of angels to guide me during my pregnancy.”

Do you need someone on your side but don’t know how to ask?

All you need to say are three words.

Help. I’m pregnant.



Or send us an email: info@optionsnj.org

We’re Options for Women and we’re on your side.

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